How to be happy
Why your experiences matter most
When stress runs high and cash runs low, it’s reassuring to know that our experiences, not our possessions, are our main source of happiness. The emotional boost we get from (say) a walk in the woods or trying quidditch with friends outlasts the pleasure of a new phone or pair of jeans, research shows.
How much does happiness matter?
We all know that happiness feels great. What may be surprising is how comprehensively it helps us thrive. “We find that [happiness] contributes to academic and career success. People live longer; they have healthier coping styles over their lifetime. People who are happier get promoted more often. People who are happier are healthier. Happiness is now a cause of success,” says Louisa Jewell, Founder and President of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association, Ontario. “It’s about feeling good throughout the day, engaging in interesting activities, having good relationships, having purpose and meaning in your life, feeling confident about yourself.”
Why is happiness so powerful?
Research suggests that “in-the-moment positive emotions” (such as affection, curiosity, compassion, love, and amusement) build our coping resources—our ability to handle challenges and stress. This in turn gives us access to a more satisfying life. “For example, idle curiosity can become expert knowledge, or affection and shared amusement can become a lifelong supportive relationship,” says a 2009 study in the journal Emotion.
How can we become happier?
More good news: Happiness is accessible. The post-secondary years, with all their demands and anxieties, are the perfect time to go get it. How? By gathering experiences, not stuff. Here’s why this works:
We are our experiences
“Who you are is the sum of your experiences but not the sum of your things,” says Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The Myths of Happiness (Penguin, 2013). Who you are as a person is more about all the experiences you’ve had throughout your life.” In a study, students reported that experiences made them feel more alive than possessions did, according to the Journal of Positive Psychology (2009).
We value our experiences
Even when an experience goes wrong, we appreciate it. “Challenging experiences can lead to greater happiness. People sometimes experience post-traumatic growth, where a negative experience changed their lives and they’re happier even though a bad thing happened,” says Jewell—e.g., getting fired becomes an opportunity to excel in a different career.
In contrast, we are all familiar with the buyer’s remorse that can follow a shopping trip.
Experiences have staying power
The memories and feelings associated with our experiences stick with us, especially if we remember and tell stories about them. In contrast, the initial spark of joy we get from tangible purchases tends to fade within weeks, experts say.
“You may want that car or whatever it is. When you finally get it, you see an increase in your happiness, but after a few months, you adapt to the fact you have it. It [isn’t] as novel anymore,” says Jewell.
We don’t harshly compare experiences
“Experiences last longer because they are less prone to comparison. Our experiences are unique. My trip is my trip—I can’t directly compare that to someone else’s experience in the same way that I can my car or my house,” says Dr. David J. A. Dozois, President of the Canadian Psychological Association and Professor, Western University, Ontario. On the other hand, if you score a new phone shortly before your friend buys the updated model, your excitement might fizzle. A 2010 analysis of eight studies confirmed that we tend to ruminate on and compare the stuff we buy more than we doubt the value of our experiences (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology).
Experiences help us relate
Experiences often strengthen our relationships. You sign up to run a race with your roommates, you see a concert with your buddies, you take a road trip with a cousin.
“Having positive relationships is one of the most important contributors to happiness and well-being,” Jewell says.
Exception: Some purchases lead to experiences
Some purchases are “experiential”; we buy a mountain bike or guitar to give us access to certain experiences. As long as we actually ride the bike or play the guitar, these purchases will likely do more for our happiness than a purely material purchase would, according to recent studies by Cornell University researchers.
Wine aficionados might get joy out of a beautifully crafted piece of glassware. When they drink from it, they smile at its form and function, and talk with their wine-loving friends about the glass, the shape, the air flow, and the taste. In this way, the possessions of a connoisseur lean more toward the experiential.
How to get the most happiness from your experiences and your cash
As you consider how to spend your time and money, bear in mind the reasons that experiences bring us more pleasure than possessions do.
1. Choose experiences that contribute to who you are and that build your identity in a positive way: Try something new, take a class, or develop a skill. “Think about the experience of watching TV and having an identity of ‘I’m a TV watcher.’ How gratifying is that? Not terribly. But if you’re out in the wilderness camping with friends and have the identity of ‘I’m adventurous,’ that’s likely to be very gratifying,” says Dr. Thomas Gilovich, happiness researcher and Professor of Psychology at Cornell University, New York.
2. Nurture your memories: “We create more memories with experiences, which makes the hedonic value last longer,” says Dr. David Dozois, President of the Canadian Psychological Association. To extend the life of your experiences, record your thoughts, insights, memories, and stories in a journal you can read and reread. Value pictures and gifts that elicit fond memories. Print some of your photos and keep them visible so you recall those good times.
3. Look for opportunities and situations that connect you with others: Start a hiking group that meets on weekends, or join a tennis league. If you’re a big reader, try a book club to add the social element.
4. Value free and low-cost experiences: “A lot of experiences that provide a lot of happiness aren’t very expensive,” says Dr. Gilovich.
- Look within and beyond your college or university environment: Find parks, trails, beaches, pools, and so on. Use them when you need a break from school.
- Read: Reading about an experience looks much the same on brain scans as actually having that experience, according to a 2011 study in the Annual Review of Psychology. Reading builds our empathy (enhancing our relationships) and emotional health, and puts us into a relaxed, meditative state, studies show.
Why does an experience or possession make you happy?
We asked students to focus on just one experience or possession that makes them happy. Then we asked: Which of the following apply?
| Effect: | Percentage saying yes: |
| It gives me a sense of accomplishment | 55% |
| It rewards my senses (art, nature, etc.) | 50% |
| It changes how I spend my time, for the better | 47% |
| It strengthens or represents my connection to others | 49% |
| It helps me become a better person | 45% |
| It ties into my identity in a meaningful way | 46% |
| It gives me a sense of purpose | 40% |
| It can be an entertaining story to tell others | 43% |
| It helps me cope with my problems | 42% |
| It facilitates a reasonable standard of living for me | 26% |
Source: Student Health 101 survey, September 2015. 405 students answered this question.
How to stop buying stuff that won’t make you happy
6 ways to stop buying stuff that won’t make you happy
1. Before you buy, ask yourself three questions:
- How likely is it that this purchase will shape who I am, help me grow and learn, or help me see myself in a positive way?
- How likely is it that this purchase will connect me with others in a meaningful way or strengthen my relationships?
- How likely is it that I will remember and tell stories about this purchase?
2. Are you excited, intoxicated, sad, angry, or bored?: Then be wary of going near the stores—you’re more likely to make impulsive purchases and experience buyer’s remorse, according to a 2014 survey by CreditCards.com.
3. Before you buy, consider the downsides:
- Possessions cost time, as in the time you had to work to make the money to pay for them. “Time is life. Any time that we are wasting (including buying things that we don’t need and the associated time thinking about such things) is, in some respects, robbing us of life,” says Dr David Dozois, President of the Canadian Psychological Association.
- Possessions get damaged or go missing, causing stress.
- The pleasure of new possessions fades quickly.
- Possessions may become associated with regret, negative comparisons, and envy.
- Possessions may become clutter. In a study involving 60 women, clutter was associated with higher levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, and a depressed mood, according to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2010).
4. Do your research: Need a new laptop or jeans? When students researched a product before buying, they experienced less buyer’s remorse, in a study by Jisook Park at Kansas State University in 2011. “You have to make sure that the amount of effort that you put forth is justifiable to you,” Park told Consumer Affairs. “If you’re satisfied with the amount of effort that you have put in, then you are less likely to experience regret.”
5. Declutter: The pleasure of clean, organized space may make it easier to stop buying things you don’t need. Marie Kondo, author of the bestselling book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (Ten Speed Press, 2014), recommends pulling out everything you own and asking yourself “Does it spark joy?” Yes? Keep. No? Donate, recycle, or toss.
6. Check out these tips from students:
- Make a list and stick to it.
- Avoid stores and malls.
- Carry cash only.
- Leave your money at home.
- Think about how much you’ve spent on things you didn’t need in the past. Use this as a learning experience (not to beat yourself up).
- Eat snacks at home before you run errands or go shopping, to avoid overspending on groceries.
- Set a savings goal, like a computer or vacation, and pare down your spending to meet it.
- Before you buy something, pause for 5–10 minutes and ask yourself whether it is a “want” or a “need.”
- Keep most of your funds in a savings account; every month, transfer enough into your chequing account to cover your living expenses. Significant unplanned purchases will require an inconvenient bank transfer.
Source: Student Health 101 survey, September 2015.
Students’ stories: What makes you happy?
We asked students: Which you would rather receive as a gift?
- An experience (e.g., a gift certificate for a restaurant or activity; concert tickets) -- 64%
- A possession (e.g., clothes; gadgets) -- 36%
Source: Student Health 101 survey, September 2015. 414 students answered this question.
We asked students: What has recently made you happier? Your responses were overwhelmingly about experiences, not material possessions.
“I dance. The music is cheerful; I don’t think about my problems while I’m dancing. I have a community of people who care about me that I see regularly. I get exercise. There are friendly people who dance this dance all over the world, and I always make time for it wherever I travel. It has made me more sociable and better at communicating with others, and it’s one of the least judgmental communities I’ve ever been in. When I dance, I’m happy.”
—Jacquelyn T., second-year undergraduate, University of New Brunswick
“I recently climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. This experience made me happy because it provided me with a sense of purpose, a goal, a challenge, and a reward once I completed the experience.”
—Peter N., third-year graduate student, University of Guelph, Ontario
“Last year, I went to Ethiopia. It made me happier because I got to see my family who I have missed, and it helped give me a purpose in life.”
—Adan A., second-year undergraduate, University of Windsor, Ontario
“I recently went to a music festival. I think it made me happy because of the lively mood everyone was in and the varieties of music.”
—Josh S., fourth-year undergraduate, University of New Brunswick
“I’m a transgender man, and a year ago I had top surgery to remove my breasts and reconstruct my chest to appear more masculine. The surgery left scars across my chest. Last weekend I went to a queer kink street fair and for the first time took my shirt off for the day. Although I had a few negative interactions with people, I also had several people come take photos with or of me. It felt good to finally overcome that fear.”
—Nick M., fifth-year undergraduate, Sonoma State University, California
“Visiting the Elora Quarry [a conservation area with a swimming hole in Ontario]. It made me appreciate nature and the life that we have; I shared the experience with my friends. Made me realize that as long as you’re with people who are about you, you will always feel happy.”
—Kailey F., fourth-year graduate student, University of Guelph, Ontario
“Recently, I cleaned my room with one of my floormates, hung photos, and reorganized everything, and I felt significantly happier after. I think this was due to the fact that the space smelled better, there was no clutter, and seeing photos of awesome memories on my wall made me feel better. Cleaning and redecorating also helps my anxiety, so that was a perk, plus it was fun to clean with a friend, and jam out to music and have fun.”
—Kyla X., first-year undergraduate, University of Windsor, Ontario
Happify
By Happify Inc.
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Jianna Khouri: Fourth-year undergraduate at Mount Royal University in Alberta majoring in Sociology; Student Health 101 Student Advisory Board 2015–16. |
“Happify is an app that takes proven methods of improving happiness and turns them into simple, fun, daily tasks. You can choose from different happiness goals, or take a quiz and find out what tasks you could benefit from most.”
Useful?
This app helps me on days when not even puppies can make me smile. I enjoyed the tasks geared toward gratitude and meditation.
Rating: 5/5 stars
Fun?
Popping balloons is great, but only for so long. I liked that there were different types of happiness to work on.
Rating: 3.5/5 stars
Effective?
I went from stressing over the weather to appreciating the beauty of a storm. I was reminded to be grateful for my life.
Rating: 4/5 stars
